There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
There are leaves in my underwear?
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