My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
