The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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