So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
