I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
