How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
