i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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