she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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