you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
