i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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