That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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