I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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