im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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