My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
