Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
