shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
