i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I need to calm my uterus...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
