Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
