So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
