I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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