Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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