It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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