We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
