Who did Billy Mays play for?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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