Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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