How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
