i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
