careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
