I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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