No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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