u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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