Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
