One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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