I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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