Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
