she is the kim kardashian of front butts
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
