WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
