I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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