Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
