Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
