I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
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