I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
