Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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