out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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