Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My bed smells like the plague
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
