You can't motorboat a personality
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
