hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
