She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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