A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
