actually, I'm a sock model
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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