Its about making memories worth repressing
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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