Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
