What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
