Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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