So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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