is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
