I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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